My sweet friends, this week I'll be turning 40. So many of you have been kind enough to tell me all about how 40 is a blessing. Thank you. I really needed to hear it.
What is it about milestone birthdays that makes us reflect upon our lives?
I don't know, but I can tell you that I don't feel ready. I don't feel 40. I don't feel adult enough for all of the responsibilities that 40 entails. I don't feel mature enough. Adults are supposed to be wise, and I still end up winging most things in life. When is all this wisdom going to show up? Where is the magical adult maker? Where is the responsibility endower? Wait! Come back, youth! I missed something!
Alas, the closer it gets to my birthday, the more I realize that these ideas are just figments of my imagination. There is nothing magical about getting older, except the privileges of living longer and gaining wisdom along the way. As with many things in life, wisdom and responsibility are qualities that are earned, not granted.
Looking back on my life, God has blessed me in so many ways. I have loving parents who are still married and tried as hard as they could. I have had so many truly wonderful friends, many of whom I still speak with often. I have had the opportunity to go to college, which changed me in so many wonderful ways. I have a wonderful husband, who is my true best friend in life. We have two amazing daughters who are so smart, kind, and lovely.
Most importantly, I have Jesus.
As I sit writing this blog, my beautiful family is still sleeping. I get my best writing done when it's quiet. In the quiet, Jesus can come along with me. He's quietly speaking truth to me as I write this. I sit in this chair writing, realizing yet again that we will miss church because of my illness, and Jesus is still speaking truth.
Quietly.
Quietly, He tells me that I am enough. I am wonderfully made. I am beloved. I am worthy.
As tears roll down my face, he never stops telling me how much He loves me. He reminds me yet again that all of my worries and fears are not important. He assures me that He will be here for me always. He quiets my spirit.
I am so blessed, my friends.
40 is just a number.
Life is amazing.
If I could leave you with one thought on this beautiful Sunday Morning, it would be this:
No matter what you are facing, God's got it.
Looking back, it seems silly to have been so stressed out about getting older. It is a privilege denied to many. Sometimes, however, my worries are not so trivial. It's good to know that Jesus goes along with me, no matter the circumstances. He will never leave me.
Of this I am certain.
