Mom-1/ Mom Guilt-0

Today, I am that mom.

You know the one. The mom that frets. The mom that overprotects. The mom that clears the way for her kid. The mom that brings forgotten things, soothes every owie, and makes it all okay. That mom.

Sigh.

As a mom, some days are just harder than others. Depending on the age of the kid, what that looks like can be quite different. 

Your 9 month old is teething and just won't sleep.

Your 3 year old will not stop climbing on everything.

Your 5 year old cries every day at kindergarten drop-off.

Your 9 year old replies to every request with sass.

Your 12 year old is, well, acting like a 12 year old. 

Ahem.

Some days are just hard. Right now, my twelve year old is having a rough go of it. She loves Jr. High, but it's been physically hard on her. I think she's had more sick days this year than all of the others combined! We are now in the dreaded doctor's note phase of school absences. Every time she misses school, she needs a doctor's note.  Well, okay. But what if the kid just doesn't feel good? What if she's not sick enough for the doctor, but she's running a low-grade fever, has glassy eyes, and is coughing her lungs out? I know she has a cold. It's manageable. She'll be fine. She definitely doesn't need the doctor.

I still want her home.

Every mom is different when it comes to sick days. My own mom was very specific about sick days. If we weren't on death's doorstep, we were going to school. Some other moms don't seem to care if their kids ever go to school. My stance is definitely closer to that of my mom than of the second mom. On the other hand, I don't like to send my kiddos to public school, where they will infect everyone in their path, when I know they are obviously sick. Without throwing up. Without a fever. Come on, my fellow moms, we know when our kids aren't quite right. In our house, if their eyes are glassy, they are staying home. I just don't think that it benefits anyone to have sick kids at school.

But, I digress. 

My girl has missed 13 days this year. That's a lot, thanks to a bout with a strep/influenza combo she acquired earlier this year. That combo left her a bit, well, off. I don't know  how to describe it, but she just hasn't felt well since. We've taken her to the doctor, and they've run some tests. So, for now, she is on an acid reducing medication, and we've had to change her diet. That means she brings her lunch to school.

EVERY. 

DAY.

Now this morning, like all other mornings since this began, I made her lunch and left it on the kitchen table. My girl has to walk past the table to go out the door. See where I'm going with this? Today she walked right past her lunch and left it at home.

We both know she needs the lunch. And yet, there it sat, on the table. As my husband pulled out of the driveway to take her to school, I was left with a dilemma. Do I take the lunch to her?

Part of raising responsible kiddos is letting them fail once in a while. I know this. You know this. Everyone knows this. Isn't this the biggest complaint about this generation of parents? We aren't letting our precious snowflakes fail EVER. Look, I get it. I even mostly agree. What I have a really hard time with is days like today. 

What exactly would I be teaching my sick daughter by not taking her specially packed lunch?  

• She should be responsible for herself. Yes, she should be responsible for herself. When it comes to what she eats every day, she needs to pick up the lunch box. Even if she has to have a special diet, I'm sure she could find something in the school lunch to eat.
• Actions have consequences. Forgetting your lunchbox means eating school lunch. Done. Twelve is old enough to deal with it. Just like missing practice means you might not get to play, learning that her personal actions have real world consequences is a life lesson. I know this.
• Grace is something we learn in church, but it's not meant for you. Ouch.This one stings a bit. Grace is undeserved favor. We can't earn it, it's freely given. Do we only teach grace in church or are we allowed to bestow grace upon the other little humans living in our homes? I don't know about you, but we have always been grace givers in our home. We all make mistakes. I believe sickness is a time of great grace.
• We must never break the rules. You know, this one makes me giggle a little. I am a rule follower by nature, and I have a little one who is just like me. To hear her tell it, there is never a good time to break the rules (unless it's her, of course!) It's a rule in our home that I will not bring a forgotten lunch or homework. It's their responsibility. But, do we all follow the rules all the time? Um, how many speeding tickets have you had? Ever have 12 items in the 10 items or less aisle? We just finished tax season, ahem. Sometimes in life, we bend the rules a little. I refer you back to my previous point on grace.
• Do as I say, not as I do. I forget things. All. The. Time. I actually had to have a dry erase board put up in my kitchen for that very reason! Is it unreasonable to think that our kids will forget things, too? I don't think so. Their days and minds are busy, just like ours. I have come home for lunch many days because of a forgotten lunch. By junior high, I expect them to remember, but mistakes happen for them, just like they do for me.
• You are not important. Nope. I just couldn't let her think this one today. Just. No.

So, as you may have guessed, I took the lunch to her today. The entire time I was explaining to the office staff why I brought it, I knew I had done the right thing. My poor girl needed some grace today, and I was in the position to give it to her.

You know, it would be nice if there was a magical parenting book tailor-made for each child, wouldn't it? We would know what to do all the time, and never wonder or worry if we'd made the right decision. I once had a friend tell me that I was to always remember that I was raising a child to become an adult, not to stay a child. It was honestly some of the best parenting advice I've ever received, but only if I remember that adulthood isn't all about responsibility. It is also about love, grace, faith, and compassion. I want my girls to have those things as adults, so I have to teach them those things as children. 

The best way for my sweet girls to learn these things is to see them in my life. I have the greatest power to influence them, for good or bad. And, while there is no magical parenting book, I do have a book to help me along the way. It's full of everything I need to live a life my girls can emulate with pride.