My friends, I think the most clearly when I can drag things out of my brain either through my hands by writing, or when I can talk about them with someone else. I bet you can guess which one gets me into the least amount of trouble. 😉 I'm trying, but I can't seem to process all of the ugliness and pain that I witness on a daily basis anymore. My heart has reached its threshold, and all of the hate and strife has become too much.
Jesus, please help!
My life is currently undergoing some major changes and obstacles. As many of you know, our family is planning a move to Florida after the end of the school year. We have many reasons for the move, although health issues and opportunities for our family top the list. My husband and I made the decision during this past summer after much prayer and research, and we are confident in our decision. All of that being said, we were very concerned about Hurricane Irma. Not only does most of my husband's family live in Florida, but our new home is there as well. We had several stressful days of worry about them, and as selfish as it sounds, about our decision to go. While everything turned out okay for our family, the state still has a long path of recovery ahead, and we will be moving right into it. I'd love to say that I have enough faith to not worry about what it means for our family, but that would be a lie. It is disconcerting, to say the least, to take your family into the unknown.
To add to the stress of preparing to move so far away, my Hashimoto's disease has decided to flare up. I've had several sick days, including having to leave work with an anxiety attack a couple weeks ago and a trip to the ER this past weekend. I despise this disease! It makes me exceedingly weak and dependent upon so many others. Of all of the emotions that I feel when I'm sick, the most prevalent is guilt. I feel guilty that my husband has to take on so many of my responsibilities. I cringe thinking about what my girls might be dealing with or missing out on because of my inabilities. Our home is a wreck most of the time, and I doubt all of my work. Honestly, my pride is probably the biggest loser in the whole situation, and my prayer life is the biggest winner.
Daughter #1 is also dealing with some pretty significant issues at the moment. She is under a doctor's care, so we prayerfully place our most precious blessings into God's hands once again. Our younger daughter's tween season is in full bloom. On any given day you can find me both laughing at her whimsical personality and wanting to ship her off to Grandma for an attitude adjustment. She's lucky she's so lovable! My husband really doesn't like it when I talk about his issues, so suffice it to say that he's got a lot on his plate being a public school teacher in a state where educators are not valued and children are becoming less teachable.
I presented this glimpse into my family's lives for a reason. I don't know what people think about me; it's not really any of my business. But, I do know what I think about myself, and right now I'm a hot mess! My heart is pulled into a million places at the same time, and then it's being torn apart. And it's not just thinking about my family that has me all shook up. Our little town, state, and nation are filled with disasters, controversies, and worries galore. Rumors of school shootings, taxes, budgets, protests, hurricanes, earthquakes, North Korea, Trump, the NFL fiasco, healthcare......
The list could go on and on, and what's an average person to do? While all of this is happening around us, our private lives do not stop. We still have to get up every day and face our responsibilities. Unfortunately, many of us are heading into each day defeated before we even start. The stakes are so high in our personal lives that we cannot bear any more weight from society, or we will break.
My friends, I believe that is what has happened to many of us, myself included.
We are broken.
We have filled ourselves with more than we can take, and instead of overflowing, we break. There is so much evidence of brokenness in the world: abused children, homeless veterans, battered women, addiction, and now the non-stop barrage of hate on social media. All of the hurt, suffering, and pain in our lives needs an outlet. While many people find healthy means of expression, so many of us do not. We hide, lash out, or escape by whatever means possible. Unfortunately, our coping mechanism usually just causes more pain. We humans are so fragile. We pretend to be invincible, but our brains and bodies tell us differently. We can't sleep. Our faces break out. We don't eat, or we eat too much. Our bodies get sick. Our hearts stop working right. Suddenly, we have a hard time even getting out of bed.
What, if anything, can we do then to repair what has been broken inside of us? The Japanese have an art form that I find fascinating. It is called Kintsugi. They repair broken objects with something precious, like gold.
The broken objects then become beautiful and unique. Kintsugi teaches that broken things can become beautiful if repaired properly. I love this idea! Just think about what you would look like if all of your brokenness could be repaired with something precious! I imagine I would look something like this.....
All joking aside, what can we, as humans and not pottery, do to fix our brokenness? I know my futile attempts to fix myself are just that, futile. While opinions differ on this matter greatly, I propose one simple solution: we look up. Instead of wallowing in all that this world is heaping upon us, what if we focus on something bigger than ourselves? God's Word has some interesting things to say about brokenness.
I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. God genuinely cares when we can't go on. He wants to help us when the journey gets too rough. He knows we can't do it on our own.
My sweet friends, may I leave you with one final thought for today? What would your world look like if you let God heal you like a piece of Japanese pottery? Would you still see the rough and ugly pieces of your broken life? Or, instead, would you see the beauty of a life glued back together with Jesus' precious blood? I know life is hard. No one has it all together, despite how things appear from the outside. We are all broken in some way. Knowing this, it should make it easier for us to listen to others and practice kindness. The way we treat others matters.
Broken people sometimes act in broken ways.
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