Rejected!

Today I received my first rejection email as a writer.

To say that I'm upset is an understatement. I am morose. I feel dejected. Both my heart and my head hurt.

I guess I should have started this in another way. Hold on. Let me start over.

Hello, friends. Happy Wednesday! How is everyone today? Me? Well, that's a little complicated.  Please, let me explain.

Many of you know me, but some of you don't, so let me introduce myself. My name is Ami Crowder: wife, mother, and blog writer. We have recently moved from Illinois to Florida to start our lives over. It's not going as well as I'd hoped. 

Do you remember when you were little, and everyone would ask you what you wanted to be when you grew up? I remember. I only ever said one thing: "Teacher!" I said it as loud and proud as I could to anyone who would listen. To me, there was no better life than being a teacher. I loved everything about school, and I wanted to spend my life there.

Clear-cut and decisive! Yes! I know what I want to be, now let's do it! Nothing was going to get in my way.

(Do you hear God laughing right now? You really should hear it. He's absolutely rolling on the floor.)

Did I become a teacher? No, I did not. To sum up, life happened. Life often goes its own way, and we just hang on for the ride. Plans get pushed aside, dreams get postponed, and priorities change. 

It's okay.

Really.

 I love my life and my family. But, now that our children are older, I'm trying to pursue some of my own hopes and dreams. I have recently re-enrolled in college to become a teacher. It's a monumental step forward, and it makes me both excited and nervous. I'm sure to be the oldest person in all of my classes, but that's fine by me. It's inspirational to see people who refuse to give up on their dreams, and my girls are watching. 

So, why am I bemoaning being rejected today? 

Sigh.

I love to write and read what other people have written. All. Of. It. I read everything, and have always had an affinity for reading and writing. It came so easily to me, that I thought that this surely must be why I couldn't decide on what to do with the rest of my life.

I WAS REALLY MEANT TO BE A WRITER!

So, instead of making poor decisions and having life interrupt my dreams, I thought I was just chasing the wrong one. So, it's okay if those other things passed me by, because I was really meant to be a writer.

The rejection felt like a slap in the face. Did I really get it wrong again, God? What is your plan for me? Where do I belong? Why did you make me this way if I can't use what you've given me?

But, the truth is, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. That sounds so silly coming from an adult, doesn't it? I'm going to school to become a teacher. I do love writing, and someday I hope to finish my novel. I enjoy this blog. Naturally, I'm a curious person and interested in so many things. My girls laugh at me because I enjoy Ted Talks. I listen to them for fun. Imagine! 

But, what if we're not meant to be just one thing?

In life, we wear many "hats." I'm not just a wife, I'm also a mom, sister, daughter, friend, aunt...  

The list goes on and on. So, why do we approach our careers as if there can only be one, quickly picking the first thing that interests us and sticking with it for life? Why do we think we are supposed to have our whole lives figured out at 18 or 20 and never change? I can tell you that I've changed a great deal since I was 18. I could never have imagined the direction my life has taken, both good and bad. 

We try so hard to plan it all out, don't we? We try to control everything and hope that we will achieve our idea of success. But, what is success? The definition of that changes as we get older and our priorities change. So, the idea that we can see what will make us look and feel successful throughout our lives when we are only 18 is really absurd. Why do we pressure ourselves into trying to have it all figured out anyway? Part of the joy in life is the journey.

I have to admit, when I started writing this today, I was having a really rotten day. I felt like a failure at life. Some days are just like that, I guess. What if every time something unexpected happens in life, I just yell, "Plot twist!" and move on? That might change my perspective a bit. Unfortunately, change happens, and it's not always what we would consider for the better.  Sometimes, we might even feel like we've hit rock bottom, but that doesn't mean we have to stay there. One of my favorite authors is very open about this subject, and sums it up nicely.

Rebuilding a life is tough. It's a lot easier if we cut ourselves some slack, and realize that we don't have to have it all figured out. I'm working on it. Meanwhile, God will be there for me, and so will my amazing support system of friends and family. They make it possible to pursue my dreams and go after what I want. 

Jonah Hill in Superbad

Being rejected can be one of the worst things to ever happen to you, or you can use it as a turning point. It's up to you. As for me, I'm going to use this rejection as a lesson in what not to do, learn to be a better writer, and move on.

What about you? 

Do you have an amazing rejection story? Let me know in the comments below.