Be the Good

I'm tired, friends. My whole soul aches with exhaustion.

I don't think that I've ever heard a quote that resonates with me more than this one. The world is an ugly place.

What has happened to common decency?
What has happened to love and kindness?
What has happened to empathy for those who are different from ourselves?

The world is ugly. and we perpetuate this ugliness every time we use our voices to tear others down instead of building them up. We make it worse by saying nothing when we read a post full of lies and gossip. It's okay to be angry, it means you care about something. It's okay to be outraged by evil, it means you know the meaning of good. It is NOT okay to take that anger and outrage and do something even worse. Temper tantrums are for toddlers, and most of them get in trouble for it.

Why do we still have bullying in school, even after so much effort has been made to eradicate it? Go on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter and you will quickly understand. We are a nation of anything goes.

"I have freedom of speech, and I will say what I want, darn it! Who cares who it hurts? This is my opinion, and I WILL say it!" 

Is this any different from the mean girl on the playground telling the chubby girl that she is gross? As responsible adults, we should be the ones instructing our children on how to behave, but so many of us don't even know how. Why is it okay to say something online that we would not say in person? Who cares if they live hundreds of miles away? That is still a real person. Would we speak to our mothers or children that way? Would we allow someone else to speak to them that way?

Friends, I know it sounds like I am soap-boxing, and maybe I am, but I can't help but think of all of the things that are happening in the world and in our country. The Internet has become one giant mean girl, and we are all her snickering friends. I know I am just as guilty as anyone else of becoming too excited or worked up over what someone else has said, and spitting out a reply. Would I have said it to that person's face? No, I would not have. That's not the type of person I am. Why should it be any different on the Internet?

It shouldn't.

Things like this have become the norm.

This is what we have become. We have made it perfectly acceptable for adults to openly make fun of 10 year old kids on the Internet. Why is this okay? Because she is a writer for a popular show, it makes it fine? I don't think so. It's not even accurate, but that's not even an issue these days. Bullies never worry that what they say is accurate.

This is not okay. 

As a society we must stand up to the mean girls (and boys) of the world. We must call out the ugly. We must drag this darkness into the light. And we must do it with love, compassion, and truth.

Lord, help us to be kind and loving, even to those that don't deserve it. Save us from our own selfish desire to be right. Help us to find the good and try to understand one another. Please help us to lift up our fellow man and become a better society in the process.

Maybe then, the world won't seem so ugly.

Joe Schmo

Ugh. Not another person smirking when he gave them his name.
"Yes, my name is actually Joe Schmo. My parents had a real sense of humor," Joe responded to the cashier with as much patience as possible.

All he wanted was his six pack of Bud, but here he was,explaining yet again why he had the worst name on the planet. He really needed the beer tonight. It helped to calm his nerves, and boy were they on fire! She actually looked at him tonight. She talked to him! He couldn't believe how it had happened. She was just lined up outside of her apartment when he strode past, dropping his wallet.
"Sir! Sir, you dropped this!" she had called to him, handing him his wallet. She touched this, he thought, rubbing his wallet.

"Here's your change, Mr. Schmo," the cashier handed him the change from his beer. Joe could tell the man was going to die laughing as soon as he walked away.
"Thanks, buddy," Joe replied. He took the change and the beer and walked out of the Casey's. He needed to get home to his Bud. Yes, he definitely needed to get home.

Joe Schmo lived in an apartment across the street from Lucy Godfrey. His apartment looked right into the front room windows. At least that's what the last tenant said when she moved out. "I feel like he's always watching me," she had said. She was right. He was always watching. He liked to watch Lucy, too. She was so sweet, and it was obvious that she loved her little cat. That fat, stupid cat, thought Joe. It always meowed whenever he got near the door. It was like the cat could sense that he was there or something. Joe hated that cat.

"I'm not gonna worry about that damn cat tonight!" Joe shouted into his empty apartment. He had his Bud and his "glasses" and the TV turned on just loud enough. No one would ever know. Not now, not ever, Joe thought. He wasn't hurting anyone, he kept telling himself. He would never actually go into the apartment. He just liked to walk past the door and smell Lucy. She always smelled so good. No. Lucy was just for watching, we don't touch.

Joe settled into his easy chair with his binoculars and his Bud, and the show began.

My Children Ruined My Life! (and it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me.)

WARNING: EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL POST AHEAD

Boy, that title probably sounds a little harsh, right? Oh, I could've put it another way, but that is exactly the way it came to me. Now, please allow me to explain.

Sooooooo, I'm turning 40 this year. The big 4-0. I know to many people it's probably no big deal. In fact, my age has never been a big deal to me either. I mean, getting old is better than the alternative, right? For some reason, however, the last few weeks have made me really sit and contemplate my life. (Sickness has a funny way of doing that to you.)

I have a great life, and I am blessed in so many ways, but when I sat and really thought about it, I realized that I don't even recognize the life that I live. That probably doesn't even make sense, but haven't you ever felt like you were living someone else's life? This is definitely not what I signed up for all those years ago. What happened?

Well, life happened.

You know, when I was 18 I thought I had the whole world figured out, and I was going to set the world on fire. Some of that fire still lives in me today, but it's more of an ember than a blaze these days. What is it about youth that is so arrogant? I mean, did we actually know anything at that age? When I went off to college, I had no clue that everything I thought I knew about my future would turn out to be wrong. I did not turn out to be a lawyer (Injustice still bugs me, though.) I did not become a history teacher (other people's kids, 'nuff said.) I did not marry the boy I had the biggest crush on in high school (I met my husband at 19.) I don't live in the city. I don't have a fancy house. I hate going out. I could go on and on, but you get the point. I was such a dreamer at 18, but God had other plans for me.

Most of you know me, but for those of you who don't, let me tell you a bit about myself.

I am a writer, not a teacher or a lawyer. I also work part time at a great family run business in my small town. I married my college sweetheart, and a week later we moved away from everyone we knew to a tiny town in South Central Illinois.

My husband is a teacher and he's fabulous. My husband and I became followers of Christ shortly after we got married. After many failed attempts, we have two wonderful daughters who are ages 12 and 9.

We also have a guinea pig named Chewie. Trust me, it's a fitting name. Our home is tiny and usually a wreck despite my OCD tendencies. I live everyday with Hashimoto's disease, which has significantly changed my ideas of success.  I guess that covers the important stuff.

When I look at that last paragraph, I have mixed feelings. I wonder what the 18 year old version of me would say about my life.

Am I successful?
Are you disappointed?
Is it enough?

You see, I don't think the 18 year old me would even recognize the 40 year old me. Life has changed me so much. However, I am coming to realize that one of the greatest gifts of age is wisdom. Wisdom is not a gift that is granted, but one that is earned. I earned all those wrinkles around my eyes by laughing at my husband's jokes and my girls' giggles. I earned those stripes by persevering through six pregnancies and two deliveries. I earned those wrinkles between my eyes by facing life's challenges and trying to learn the lesson and find the blessing.

Wisdom is earned, my friends.

So as I sit writing this blog as my family sleeps, I wonder what my life would look life if it had gone the way I had planned. I have a feeling it would have been so empty and lonely.  I'm so thankful that God's wisdom kept me from following a path that was not for me. I love my life, even if it is not what I'd planned. I am almost forty, and I now know what real priorities are. I know what real love looks like. (Hint: it looks much more like a hospital ward than a flower shop.) I know now that success looks different for everyone. Some days just getting through the day is success.

So is it fair to say that my children (and my husband) ruined my life? Yes. They ruined the life that was never meant to be mine anyway.

I'm so glad that they did, and I bet younger me would agree. She always was a smart cookie. 😉

Lucy Godfrey

As she turned the key in her apartment door, Lucy Godfrey reflected back upon the bewildering events of the evening. After getting off work from her crummy desk job, she had stopped to pick up some much needed groceries and supplies for her new place. Arriving home, she found her apartment building swarming with cops and emergency service workers. No one was being allowed into the building without a painstaking interview with the officer in charge, and he was taking his job very seriously. Lucy was surprised that he hadn't asked for a urine sample and a birth certificate! Eventually, a call to her landlord was made for verification, and she was allowed to go up to her apartment. This is not what happens to a girl from Small Town, USA, thankyouverymuch, she thought to herself.

She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she didn't realize that the door was already unlocked, so she locked it again. Finally getting the door open, she rushed inside, dropping packages and groceries along the way to her bedroom. "Finally!" she sighed as she slumped down on her bed and began to unzip her boots. While the sexy Italian leather boots were perfect for date night, they were not the best choice for waiting outside in the cold for an hour, and her feet were screaming. She was so enraptured by the new feeling in her toes that her normally keen senses were not alerted by the bathroom door that was slightly ajar. Or by the absence of her cantankerous cat, Moe.

"Gee, Moe, I wasn't sure I'd ever make it home," Lucy said. "You should have seen all the people! You would've hated it! Apparently, some old lady from downstairs finally ate it today. Cops everywhere!

 Hey, Moe?

 Mooooeee!

 Here, kitty, kitty!

 Moe?"

Lucy instantly noticed how quiet the apartment was. Not that it was normally a bustling thoroughfare, but at least Moe usually greeted her when she came home. Now, there was nothing but the muted sounds of emergency workers finishing up downstairs. Suddenly, St. Louis seemed like a very lonely place to Lucy, and she really wanted Moe.

"Moe! Here, kitty, kitty!" Lucy called once again.

Stepping gingerly onto her aching feet, Lucy got off of her bed and began to search for Moe. She didn't even bother with under her bed. A mouse would be lucky to fit under there, much less her twenty pound long haired cat. She made it across the room to her bathroom door, which she normally left shut for obvious reasons, but which was cracked open now. Senses tingling, Lucy picked up the nearest thing she could find to use as a weapon. Closing her hand on the neck of her guitar, she picked it up like a bat, ready to strike. Using her foot, she swung the door open just as Moe jumped out of the bathtub.

Shrieking loudly, Lucy took a swing at the air!

"Holy cow, Moe, you just about got it!" Lucy screamed at the startled cat.

Dropping to the floor to scoop up Moe, Lucy let out a nervous laugh. Stroking the fur on the back of Moe's neck, Lucy said,"You scared me half to death, Moe. How'd you get in here, huh?" Hugging the cat close, Lucy stood up and moved in front of the mirror, and began to tremble.

Written on the mirror in Lucy's favorite pink lipstick were the words:

SEE YOU NEXT TIME, LUCY.

Hope Springs Eternal

"Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never is, but always to be Blest."

Alexander Pope

 Ahhhh, another new year has come upon us.

It's always funny to me that people make New Year's resolutions. I've never quite understood it. We are just moving from one day to the next. What's the big deal? We party and celebrate the new year like it magically becomes something great just because it is a new number. Why? Won't our troubles be the same tomorrow as they are today? Won't we be the same people with the same bills, the same family, the same job, and the same bad habits when we wake up from our celebration?

Yes, we will. Everything will be exactly the same. Well, almost the same.

Humans are so weird. We remember tomorrows and plan for the future. I think we might be the only species on the planet that gets so wrapped up in time. Oh sure, some animals plan to hibernate or experience different life cycles and they prepare for those things, but they are not picking out a retirement plan and creating a will. Only humans do this.

But, why?

I have a theory. Humans, regardless of who we are, are hopeful by nature. We have hope for a better day. We believe in our hearts that everything will work out in the end. If we can't get to this point, somehow there is something wrong with us. Why? Because the natural human condition is hopeful. We have to believe in better days ahead. It helps us to move on with today, and tackle whatever problems come along the way.

We need hope.

So, back to the whole resolutions thing. Why do we waste our time making resolutions? It is a fact that a majority of New Year's resolutions never come to fruition. We have a tendency to sink back in to the same patterns and habits that we had in the previous year. Why do we waste our time, then? Hope. Hope says tomorrow will be better. Hope says you can be better than you are today. Hope says the impossible is possible.

Hope says I can get up at 6 for a run everyday (even though I have a hard time functioning at 6:30.) Hope says I can be a nicer person to my family (even though I'm trying not to scream at them in my head. Right. Now.) Hope says I can learn to pray before I respond with harsh words. Hope says I can be more diligent about doing the dishes. Hope says I can be better at reading my Bible. Hope says: Life. Will. Be. Better.

Why would God make us this way? Why would He put an undying hope in our hearts? As I've said before, I'm not a theologian, but I do have an opinion. I believe he put hope in our hearts so we will know that this life is not the end. There is more, so much more, waiting for us with Him. I think He wants us to realize that life can be better than it is. It draws us to Him. It makes us pray. It brings us to our knees asking for forgiveness to be better. To do better. God understands our nature so well (He did make us, after all!) that He knew we needed hope to draw us to Him.

As the new year starts, and we all try to do better, let me encourage you today. God has a plan for you. He knows what you need. Trust Him, and let this be your year of hope.